My Lighter Story
Not too proud to say, I'm addicted to smoking now. I started smoking in November 2005. From a few cigs a day to half a pack, I now smoke up to a pack a day. How sad?
I started smoking for the reason of numbing myself, the person who I lost within but every time I numb myself, one person comes to mind. Instead of withdrawing myself from this person, I found that smoking brought closer towards him and I embraced this comfort, which resulted in the addiction. Everyone has a story behind every cigarette but a majority of the people would just be like "I smoke cause I wanted to" or "peer pressure in middle school". Well, mine is more unique but it was certainly not done to be the odd one.
Till this day, he probably doesn't know I became such an addict and I don't want to let him know. He smokes, yes. Belmonts Mild, a brand that catches my attention instantly but now it became such a normal thing that I don't pay as much attention to it; as I attracted myself to people for the wrong reason. I got myself into such a big mess that I somewhat regret now. But it's a lesson that I had to learn.
The lighter story begins with the lighter in the picture. A silver Zippo that engraves "ayc" on one side and "AYuki" on the other side. An extra one was produced with his initials but till this day, it was not given out yet.
The story behind the lighters is a promise to myself. Escape the life in vein and dump all six years into the memory bottle. Allow it to live that way. The day I drop the last cigarette bud would be the expiration date of my lighter. There would be no use of the hold and that would be the day I recover. I've once lost and found this lighter. My friends tell me it's meant to be; but when I lose it, I'll end up seeing it somewhere again. That's the fate I believe in. The expiration hasn't come yet so I would wait. Everything is a bad habit and addiction, I know when that day comes; the courage of quitting would instant strike. Mind you, I once hated the smell of smokes. LOL
Added: July 16, 2006
Although I've recovered from the six year pain, I'm still holding the cigarettes. Perhaps, I haven't found myself and the reason to quit. I no longer think of the person who I smoked for; instead the person I think of along with every cigarette is the person who's in my heart today - a person who's more worthwhile of my thoughts. For myself, he asked me to quit. I know I'll find that day soon.
Here's a song about how I feel behind every smoke.
A Cigarette's Duration
Whenever I light a cigarette, I would
think of you
The cigarette pointing towards the sky, with no hesitation
You smiled at me with a surprised expression
At that moment, I know I can't escape that charm
Whenever you light a cigarette, who would you think of?
Is it that I'm floating between two places, doing the same gesture as you
It seems like I'm close to you, yet at the same far away
After you leave, all I can do is this and reminisce on your hand gesture
With a cigarette's duration, who are you missing?
Wasting a few minutes' time of feelings, if calculations could be made
It isn't too bad, is it?
However you seem to see through me and stood up a strong front
Laughing at my incorrect way of smoking and actually exhaling tears instead
Let that lighter's sound spark the moment of happiness
Following the wind of the smoke until it disappearances
I do understand I should decide what to do
With a cigarette's duration, who would come to mind?
Is it that I'm floating between two places, doing the same gesture as you
It seems like I'm close to you, yet at the same far away
After you leave, all I can do is this and reminisce on your hand gesture
With a cigarette's time, who are you missing?
Wasting a few minutes' time of feelings, if calculations could be made
It isn't too bad, is it?
However you seem to see through me and stood up a strong front
Laughing at my incorrect way of smoking and actually exhaling tears instead
Let that lighter's sound spark the moment of happiness
Following the wind of the smoke until it disappearances
I do understand I should to leave